Jesus was famous for extending a radical welcome to everyone he met, crossing over all kinds of human-made lines and boundaries. Together during lent, we are taking a closer look at the various ways that Jesus extended radical welcome to various groups of people and how we can follow His example. Each week we will explore a new demographic, learning both from Jesus’ example as well as hearing personal stories from members of the Saint Luke community. We kicked off the series exploring socioeconomic statuses with Howard and Betsy Friend.
Today, we take a closer look at family structures. With no two families looking exactly alike, it can leave us wondering if ours is within the reach of Jesus’ radical welcome. We may wonder if those that are married, divorced, widowed or single are all embraced as fully by Jesus and by His church. We may feel that our wiggly toddlers or expressive teenagers make our family on the outside of His welcome. Perhaps we have avoided visiting a community of faith because we were not sure if we would face judgement or shame due to our unique expression of family. Whether its blended families, half siblings, multi-generational homes, adoptions, infertility journeys, or something completely unique to one’s family and marital status, there can be insecurity about whether our version of “family” fits into God’s family. However, today, special guest and long-time Saint Luke member, Rob McCay wants to tell you otherwise.
EVERYONE WILL BE CHANGED BY HIS RADICAL WELCOME
Have you ever been in a group setting and felt excluded because you are different from the group’s demographics? This was the discussion topic that I experienced during a “Diversity and Inclusion” seminar I recently attended. The discussions were lively, and the seriousness ranged from a black woman in a board room full of old, white men to another man who could no longer hunt with his brothers because of an accident that limited the use of his hand. Everyone could identify a time that they felt excluded or different, and everyone could also empathize with the frustrations as stories were told. Personally, I thought of two things; I am a single dad raising kids in an unconventional family, and I also recently welcomed someone new into my life. Both situations made me uneasy at times, and both times I thought of the love that Jesus preached and the radical welcome He extended to all who fell outside human-made boundaries of social acceptance.
JESUS EMBRACES MY FAMILY
I had not always been outside the social norms; if anything, I was the definition of privilege and good fortune. I am educated, and I am successful in my work. I married a beautiful woman, who everyone loved. I have four children, who are smart, athletic and kind. I felt very blessed until the day my wife died. Suddenly a single dad, I was navigating new waters that I barely understood. My kids demanded attention. Professionally, I could no longer commit to some work because of the demand and time away. Personally, I fell outside some social circles because I was now the odd-man-out. I felt as if I was dropped in a morphed, parallel world. Despite the angst, I decided that my children are my priority. We stumbled along the way, but we found a nice groove that worked for all of us. Part of our groove was welcoming the community and love of Saint Luke and also recognizing that Jesus embraces my family too. We are just as special as anyone else.
My oldest son entered college last Fall, and my three teen age daughters began freshman year of high school. I am very proud of them and their continued development into adulthood. I am happy raising my children and helping them prepare for their future. And truthfully, I was content in the knowledge that I will send them off into adulthood and then be able to live quietly in a little, western mountain town.
Until I unexpectedly met someone special.
There was fear and apprehension along with great excitement with my new connection. I met a man (Yup! A man!) whom I felt far differently for than any other male friend I have. His name is Bryan. I was racked with terror at times, but there was no denying my feelings for Bryan either. It was different. It felt cosmic or divine. It is impossible to explain. At the beginning it was scary. There were moments where I thought it would be so much easier to walk away. Just chalk it up to poor judgment, but I simply could not because our connection is so right.
During my time with Bryan, I recalled how my family adjusted to changes years ago. Like Jesus welcomed my new family then, he will surely offer His radical welcome for Bryan and me too. Knowing and feeling His love, I found the confidence to move forward. Deciding that if I’m courageous enough to express my vulnerability and fear, I should be rewarded with love.
I expressed myself to Bryan, and we immediately found a deeper connection. Later, barely able to get the words out, I told my kids about Bryan, and with big smiles, they told me of their excitement. They only want their dad to be happy. Then I introduced Bryan into my tight circle of friends, and without hesitation, everyone welcomed him. My kids and my friends recognized what was happening; I am happy. It was not about anatomy or gender; not about speculation or whisper or gossip. It’s about love. It’s about seizing a great thing, feeling blessed and welcoming the love into all of our lives.
“...Knowledge that Jesus extends his welcome to everyone outside of human-made boundaries gave us all the confidence to move forward. ”
Last summer I asked Bryan to move in with us. Always a big step in any relationship, but this move required blending into an already atypical family, and I was very sensitive to everyone’s needs. Prayer brings some peace, but knowledge that Jesus extends his welcome to everyone outside of human-made boundaries gave us all the confidence to move forward.
Bryan has become an equal member in our new family. If anything, I think our family is more blessed now with Bryan than it has been in a very long time. He is my partner, and the kids adore him. It is exciting to watch their interactions. He’s more than another adult to them, he is a confidante and friend. I love the trust and care they are all forming, and I cannot be happier.
Our family is thriving in the most unconventional manner.
Over the years, we have had moments of great sadness and moments of pure joy. Some of these instances set us apart from others. God’s grace and Jesus’ welcome gave us all the strength to endure. I asked Bryan and my kids to take a chance and to be courageous to express their vulnerability, knowing that no one will be judged. This would be our path to peace and love.
I have crossed back and forth over many social boundaries, now with confidence knowing that I will always be loved. Jesus’ radical welcome propels me forward. Love prevails.
“See what love the Father has given us, that we should be called children of God; and that is what we are. ”
ALL IN GOD’S FAMILY
Jesus leads the way, showing us what radical welcome looks like to people within differing family structures. He compassionately interacts with a woman whose marriage is at a dire point. He cares for sisters who deeply mourn the death of their beloved brother. As hopeful parents bring their children to see Jesus, he warmly welcomes them into His arms. Jesus shows great respect for those living a life of singleness or celibacy. He shows a protective care for the widows who were being taken advantage of by others. To him it did not matter if you were married or not, came with children or extended relatives in tow, or if you had no earthly family to call your own.
We can follow His example and extend a loving welcome to all we come in contact with regardless of what their marital status or family structure looks like. Here are some ways to act:
1. Support the unique needs of different families: A single person new to town might miss the comforts of home and could be blessed by an invitation to a home cooked meal with their church family. A widow might love company on the anniversary of the passing of their beloved spouse. A young family may eagerly welcome an extra set of hands to rock a baby to sleep so they can catch their breath. Keep your eye out for the differing needs of families around you. There is no “one-size-fits all” approach to caring for families because each family is so beautifully unique.
2. Change up your seat: At times, families may not feel like their family has a place within the church. We can change their mind. Often it is most comfortable to stay close to our family and others in a similar life stage on Sunday mornings. We can develop an attitude of having “put in our time” juggling kids or we may prefer to hang out with all the other single young adults. Why not try sitting with someone from a different family structure this week?
3. Seek to learn from other families: No family structure or marital status is superior. In each, there are great lessons to be learned. The beauty of all being a part of God’s family is that we can learn from one another. Even if we do not walk in their shoes, we can listen and learn from those who have journeyed down a different path than us. It may surprise you what you can learn about parenting from the couple fostering or about marriage from a celibate friend. Learning from one another can make us better spouses, parents, siblings, children, and friends.
Lord, we rejoice together that there is no family too unconventional that they are outside of Your radical welcome. You welcome us all as sons and daughters into Your family regardless of our marital status, children, or household dynamics. May we too show an open embrace to each person seeking their place in Your family regardless of what their family here on earth looks like. May your kingdom come. Amen.
Rob McClay, 54, is a leader in drug development in the pharmaceutical industry. He lives in West Chester with his three high school daughters, Erin, Jenna and Keely. His son Aidan is studying at Clemson University. And he lovingly welcomes Bryan into the family. Rob has been a member of Saint Luke since 1998.